Midweek Drinking #4: Hefin’s Return

Wednesday 11th December.

I’ve had a shit day in work. The train has rain streaks etched onto the outside of the windows. It isn’t raining. I get off at Central and switch on autopilot. Five minutes later I’m in the City Arms. I’m meeting my mate Hefin, he used to be my midweek drinking partner but he works in TV and film so buggers off and films things from time to time. I’ve not seen him in ages but now he’s ‘back and unemployed’. Good. I’m so selfish.

I order an Amstel because I need something to drink quickly. It tastes like the theme tune to The Mysterious Cities Of Gold. Look it up.

Hef arrives and orders Pyder, it’ll be a long night. I have an Otter Amber. It smells mildly of honey. It’s slightly dry but light. The Jeff Stelling of amber ales.

Porter Stout Porter Ale - for those that aren't sure what to choose.

Porter Stout Porter Ale – for those that aren’t sure what to choose (Photo attributed to Matt Jarrett)

This stout and porter festival will be the death of me. I’ve gone all in and tried the Cheltenham S.P.A Porter Stout Porter Ale. It seems to cover all bases. I don’t know much about the dark stuff, this smells of summer-y damp badger. Tastes of Brian May’s hair.

Somebody has written a particularly scathing beer review on the bar.

Somebody has written a particularly scathing beer review on the bar (Photo attributed to Matt Jarrett)

I never learn lessons. I’ve accepted bullying and gone for Dark Star Critical Mass. It’s 7.8%. Abbe has given the thumbs up. Smells of creamy ashtray. It tastes of fire and something or other. I may have had chilli puffs. They kind of overpower everything.

Yep, the guys at Tiny Rebel loved the 80s.

Yep, the guys at Tiny Rebel loved the 80s (Photo attributed to Matt Jarrett)

Tap House. On Tiny Rebel Zool. Is this Ghostbusters or shit eighties Atari computer game? It smells of airline handwash, fruity but with the promise of better times ahead. It tastes, I dunno, really nice. We’ve been talking about online dating, I wasn’t paying attention. It seemed to compliment it well though.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm (Photo attributed to Matt Jarrett)

Ooh, a Kernel. It’s Citra Nugget Pale Ale. It smells of lemon cake which is obviously brilliant. It also tastes of brilliant. This is titting religious. Obviously it won’t be there next time I visit. Stupid bloody rotating beers.

Hefin's joke was so shit that he hooked himself offstage.

Hefin’s joke was so shit that he hooked himself offstage (Photo attributed to Matt Jarrett)

Brodie’s Kiwi has a hard act to follow but copes admirally. This is pretty nice. It’s sandwiched itself into a weird emotional situation but yeah, citrus and stuff. Smells mildly of natural gas. Probably explosive in the wrong hands.

People seem to have gone home. I check Dempseys. No dice.

Next week’s episode is a two parter. Part 1 is ‘Meet The Parents’ and Part 2 is ‘Future Of The Left Hand Side Of The Cup’. Bet you can’t wait.

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